BRO CODE

The time has come where we have focused our lives on what we want and what can stay in our lives. Why should we suffer because of some relationships that were attached to us even without seeking permission from us.Life is about making conscious choices as we speak. Hence we choose to push relatives a step behind friends.

But why did it drift, yester era said that cousins were a team and siblings were best friends. Now we do share a roof but so what? Doesn’t mean we need to share lives too.Why do we need to befriend cousins whose parents are envious of our success?We rather stay with friends who are no longer just friends; they are brothers from different mothers. Whom we choose as per our compatibility, our taste and our interest. They no longer have to be pushovers.

But how many of us have had the same best friend and close one forever?The closest buddy we had in our first year of college might not be even friends on convocation dates, not that we fought but yeah he definitely slipped away somewhere in between.

We all know bro code. But how many of us actually have followed. A girl splits her legs and you drive your comfort zone away from a dear friend. Just because she and me are not together gives you rights to jump in the bed and be sorry about it later.And if you are not bothered about what the friend must have felt then why is that every time you get drunk you repeat the bro code, which you actually never meant.

When were morals and principles ejaculated out of the system? Was it when you lost your virginity, you lost it too or is it that your desperation for sex did not leave room for your self-respect.

And then you abuse the friendship thinking the friend is upset because he has lost the girl. Fool! Why would he be upset about something that he had already decided to lose? It is you and your broken promises that hurt.

It is the frustration that creeps in because a friend was lost whom he had chosen carefully like a sapling nurtured with affection and hoped that in the scorching heat it will give you shade under the tree of brotherhood. But instead you grew into a thorny bush that made him bleed. What choice does he have but to walk away?

There was time when love between blood brothers was so strong that elder could slap the younger and yet he stood there waiting for the arms to spread for him again. Now is the time when brothers cant even scold the younger once simply because he would refuse to speak to him forever, forget about coming back to open arms.

Why? Is it because you are not blood brothers so you don’t have to get tied along for whole lifetime? Or is it because there is a perfect substitute waiting to be embraced when you decide to throw the friend out of your life, who will function and solve the purpose just like the old one did? Or maybe the utility of that friend is over?

Since friends became clothes? Throw them away when a girl wants you inside her or discard them of when their usage is over?Lot of friendship quotes have been written has become history and so is their meaning. They just adorn the cards, which can be bought and sold with some coins.

No one is doing all the right things in this world but some wrong ones just can’t be ignored. And you iterate  your judgment every time the same situation comes, you should know that he is not a fool that he keeps trying for next time he is breathing hope for reconciliation.But only if you knew what he meant! 

They say love finds you in its own way . I don't know if it has found me or not but yes being around you makes me feel loved.

I have always believed that relationships are like an additional baggage that reduces the pace of your life. But you made me believe that running makes you miss serenade .Baggage is lighter with you maybe because you agreed to share it along. 

When I think about my family the thought that your chiming laughter would be the jingle in their melancholy life,makes me feel happy.

I know that you could have got anyone that you would have touched but you chose me , makes me wonder that life is not about trying to paint a perfect picture with uniform colors its about enjoying the rainbows that are spread around.

When you are around the hope to revive never falls even for a moment. 

I wont say you being around has completed me but if you leave would make me feel incomplete.

Lost in there,somewhere!

The biggest mistake in my life when I stop and turn back

Or is it when I look back I see my biggest mistakes.

I know life is all about walking with people who chose to stay.

that is how the symphony of life will play

But those finger prints have still left marks when they had gone over and over my falling hair on my forehead.

It seems they have carved fate lines when they landed.

I look in the mirror and I see those names branded.  

I see their faces in my laugh lines which still spread over for others. 

I know these things really should not but it bothers.

But when I sit on the beach and gaze the crashing waves checkered

 I feel they are asking questions that I left unanswered.

Winds whisper in my ears names that had faded from my memories.

they just existed in my abandoned diaries.

I get numb when I hear someone calling my name in the deafening silence.

It gets noisy and cold in their .

I know I am suppose to be warm and still walk strong.

And then I look back I see some faces still waiting .

I turn around and walk away. 

They say this will ease your pain.

And I realize tears of rain pouring on my cheeks again !

I request..

You should go now!

This is not the place where you should spend your night.

It is dark and in this dim lamp I can just see your pale face.

But I assure you that even when you leave these lamps will keep twinkling,

Don't send me presents now.

The rose that you gave me still rests in my old book.

Every time I open it smells of you.

Don't come in my late night thoughts that I have lying in my bed.

When I wake up in the morning the slacks on the bed sheet still makes me feel you spend your night here.

You should leave as I am not that man.

 You are not meant to be with me.

So you should hold him now. 

But assured no one will get to rest in my arms as they were open wide only for you.

Don't kiss me in my dreams. 

As those lips still feel against mine. 

But rest assured no one can feel warmth in my breath again.

Now when you leave please take my heart along 

I don't have  the strength to keep it with me anymore.

why do i have so may whys ?

If you aren’t the horizon 

Then why can’t I look beyond you?

If you are not the shore 

Why do my waves crash near you?

If you not the fire

Then why do I melt with just the sense of you?

If you are not the melody 

Then why does music goes silent without you?

Even if you don't speak to me 

Why do hear your voice in my head all the time?

Even when you don't listen

Why do I still keep talking to you?

Even when you gone 

Why do I think you are around?

If you are not the life

Then why is it so difficult to be without you?

was she the beast and the beauty ?

Promises of completing the pathway of life.

He will be the man , she be the wife.

He was a writer and she in Broadway

She said I would never walk away

The lanes were not going to be bright

But I will be your brightest light.

Fate said we were not meant to be together

And he thought they were made forever.

Why it went all-wrong?

Did they not sing the same song?

He went deaf and dumb 

which made her totally numb.

 There was no pulse and the heart didn't beat.

Love in life was a defeat

It always happens in the end,

Life goes wrong at a crucial bend?

Doing the right thing!!

This time when I go from Delhi  I will be gone for good.I have always been loved here like truly belong here but yes i was an outsider, who came here and got a lot of  love from lots of people.They made me important because they thought i am a good person,which was over hyped.
A lot of people made me important in their life and I was overwhelmed.
But that has cost dearly.I have damaged others relations knowingly or unknowingly and intentionally or unintentionally,but yes there has been destruction because of me.
I do agree I have made mistakes and others have made it too!
But the important thing is not who made more and bigger mistakes.The important thing is how to correct it.And now when I realize I want to mend it or hedge the damage I feel the best way is to walk out.Someone should. And it better be me.I should walk away from some lives and from those lives from which i have already gone I should fade away from their memories too.
Some are my friends who would not want this to happen but they should understand that their other  relationship in their life that is much more than our friendship and I am happy to accept that they have set their priorities. 
I know its not easy to do it but who said the right things were easy to do.I can experience it right now that they are definitely the ones that needs the most amount of courage and strength to sacrifice and even if I may sound foolish I would like to believe I am the strongest of the characters of this play.
Well what about me I have never doubted my art of being with myself even when I have people around me.I have learnt that happiness is not just celebration of an achievement sometimes it is also the peace of learning from failure,even if the failure is fatal to you as a person.
I know that there are somethings I am going to lose that I can never hope will return but the thought of doing the right thing will fill the gap.I hope I am doing the right thing.
This post is dedicated to people whom I have hurt  and a declaration and reminder to self about what path should be followed.

I am sand!

I was born in the struggle of two rocks.The hands that crushed me were not so soft.
So i couldn't know how it feels to be soft.
Maybe that is why i am me!

You filled me in your hand & wanted to play with me.I let you play.I loved the soft touch of your hands that smoothed me,gave me shapes and caressed the hopes of life.
Gradually you were so addicted to me you tried to capture me and closed your fist.
I was shocked by your behaviour.Your touch was no more pleasing so I slipped from your fingers.

I was burnt in the sun for such a long time in those deserts that i had no moisture left within.
But you mistook it that I had no emotions.
you thought i never cared but look at the way i transformed into dunes so that I can bring rain in your life. Of course I have failed but I wanted to be the oasis!

You kept me in your little transparent box on the table but I became your sands of  time.I taught you to cry & laugh with the pain,celebrate life and see it even when there was a storm blocking your view.

I came in your eyes not to make you cry.But to see those pearls rise even in deserts,as oceans have them plenty but its rarity is only when you can see it in deserts.

You dropped me and decided to complete the journey with someone else to hold you around,but have you thought i never left you.I am in every every road you have made to your destination as  no roads can be built without sand!

Your dreams has castles but do you know what they are? sand castles.

You made your house and wanted to live in it with someone else but have you thought i am in every brick of the house.

As of no use you cast me away with wind but have you ever thought why the desert still has your fragrance?

You have walked those deserts and no one can see the footprints to where you went .
But i hold them close in my heart. No one sees it but i feel it!
I am still that sand that is tormented in those deserts with no strangers to care about !

Even i was in love with you!!

Isn’t it obvious?

Sometimes it is not!

Expressing becomes more important than loving.That is what happened to them.

Silence suffocated the relationship. It rusted like anything and now it’s all over the boy. Sometimes the rust drops in public and glimpse of wounded soul shows up all red and fresh blood dripping.

She was a magnet and he was a boy with complex soul.

So how did it happen?

Well it was not a perfect love story where everything happened by the cupid struck Adam and Eve. She was already with someone else and the boy was with the match made in heaven.

Though his match had already gone to heaven.

Was her soul waiting for him there? Well this is something even I cant answer. 

But he was no angel to wait to meet her in there. He lived here in this world to live each and every moment. After her death he had gone a little heartless and rude but he wanted to live.

He sketched his life with full perfection. Every year had a plan, every month had an ambition, everyday had an aspiration and every moment had a dream, a dream to make it big.

No matter how black his hands became with the pencil and charcoal that he used to sketch he kept doing it. The mob called him selfish, cunning, fame hungry and everything he possibly could be ranted about as. Because everyone saw the ashes falling down spreading dirt around the canvas but no one knew about the painting.

And one day he decided to have her in his painting of life.

Why?

Not even the boy knew the answer to this.

She was totally different from his painting .She was full of energy,always dancing. Chirping like a child on small things. “Laughing out loud” was an expression made for her. 

She was not the perfect of all yet she was great in her own ways.

She hated color less things; even her pasta had red sauce in it. Life was not a painting for her; it was a dream where you can be happy in spite of all odds. 

Add all the spices in a dish that’s when you learn how can variety taste in life.

Small things made her happy.

Long bridal dresses which she never bought, bunch of red roses that he brought for her, red wine, fine dine, small colorful markets where she could buy cute things which had no use at all, rainbow socks and pink anklets, green odd pullover she use to wear behind which she use to disappear.

Her first love was her year old cousin and her best buddy was an uncle who danced on the stage and made her laugh over life. One girl for whom your balance in the phone was more important than the balance in your bank account.

She taught people to dance and she learnt from within.

Dancing was like a form of celebration in short pulses. If you want to feel something dance it out.

But she taught me more than just dance. She taught him that life is not about being a perfectionist so that everyone loves you its about giving so much that people love you even for your imperfections.

She said that life is not a race where you just have to win its about those pit stops where you have to make sure you hug your loved ones.

And she stopped and filled the painting with beautiful colors, added new shades to them with every turn and corner in life and made it beautiful.

She was like dew that refreshes the life of a leaf and vanishes with the first ray of sun. She also has vanished!

But her memories are like a song to him that he secretly wishes to be played again and again in his mind She is like a beautiful landscape visible out from the window of the moving train and you don’t want to disappear, but it does.

probably thats what the beauty of life is.

He still has that painted canvas but colors are fading away and this post is an attempt to try to relive those moments and hope that someday it will be repainted with the starry glitters again.

hyderabad blues.

Some men are made men,some transform into men,but some never let their boy go from within!

There are hidden layers to them.
He is one such human being that appears like an onion,you peel every layer and it appears totally different from the penultimate one.one layer says he wants to be the guy who studies to make sure his parents expectations are met.The inner one says make the woman your top priority.And the core says he wants peace in life.
And what about the complex layers in between, the layers which have thumb impressions of friends and people you cant even call friends.
some deep impressions!
Well there are some such impressions which makes his soul blue.oceans of thoughts that creates so much turbulence within him that sometimes he thinks he is drowning.
some figs that make the core.some twigs that help him float.
But twigs can help no more as the boy wants to be the man that needs no one to support,
probably because he wants to show that he needs no one to make sure he is alright,
because he is the one who makes things right in every ones life.

why am i blessed.

basic ingrideints of happy life;

• very supporting parents: well mine are too good to be true.they ask me what is to be done in my life
•  very good career: this everyone can have different parameters,sometimes being a peon also makes you happy so by that way i am about to have an MBA degree after an enginnering degre what else do i want.
• good friends: well i have alwyas been confused about them that should i call them friends or my own brothers. because they have behaved the way that sometimes its simply unbelieavble that they are just friends.
• good city too live:well i have Mumbai.
• good finacnial support: thanks to my people i have it.
• good girls around: well i have plenty around 

is there something else we should have ?

there lived a rude boy.

I met this boy at one odd town
if not fair he was brown
he did glitter but was not gold.
always loud but was not bold.
there lived a rude boy.

he came and went
with everyone did time he spent.
they know him no one did swear,
as he was not what he did appear.
there lived a rude boy

his friends said his soul was cold
at least to peers that's what was told.
with emotions no one wanted to share
as they thought he dint care.

there lived a rude boy.
he laughed in groups all the time
devil may care that's what he rhymed
deep down he cared a lot
but he had no emotional spot.
there lived a rude boy.

cities came and cities went
where in journey of life the years he spent.
he ate his food and paid his rent.
but never were his problems lent.
there lived a rude boy.

deep down he was scared of rejection
always projected an image of perfection.
so no one could ever understand
that his dishes were also bland
there lived a rude boy.

in him was white sad pain.
that rushed through his vein
they said his laughter never died
but i did see the laughs lied,
with every breath he cried
there lived a rude boy.

Delhi hai meri jaan!

It has been more than a week in Delhi since i have come here for my holidays. A refreshing break from typical MBA life and it felt awesome.

Four years has flown and i never realized that i am going to cherish these four years my whole life. A time when life was an over extended party,where relaxation and enjoyment was synonymous to breathing,we were careless and enthusiastic and no moment was dull.

I still remember the time when i was fresh in the college.

I was unknown to the city arrived here with some clumsy and hazy dreams that had shaped up long before i knew this college,saying what i want to become.

But what i could never imagine was that  i am going to meet people who will reshape my dreams and after meeting them will make my dreams change their meaning.

Life spin yarns of bonds that connect. It binds souls with a thread so thin that you never feel trapped but slowly the thread together tie us in such strong bonds that it wont break ever. they might not be our blood relatives but they are much more valuable than many.

And i am glad that i have so many threads around that i feel i  have been covered with such a white sheath that i live within a cocoon of warmth and affection.

Life happened to me when i was in this city. 

The small unkempt hostel with blue window panes reminded me of life i had left behind but those windows let me peep into the new world i entered.

It gave me people whom i shared my room,my food,my happiness and my worries and they took some me in them. The me they still have as their memories of a friend who lives nearby,visits occasionally and loves them always.

I still haven't achieved much in life as the boy in me is still alive with the hazy dreams.

But what this city has given me can never be achieved. It has given me people and relationships that i absoultely love and these relationships were for me for the boy I am.

This post is a to thank people who spend time with me,wanted to meet me and had me in their thoughts.

This city is special for me  because it has you in it.

And i appologize to them whom i could not meet. maybe we didnt meet so that i have something to hold on to when i come back.

DAWN

she was bright like sun,

but sun is born to burn.

she was fresh like dew,

but dew lasts moments few

she was pure like river,

but river flows forever.

She was one full moon,

but moon goes down in life's noon

she was bright blossoming lilly

but lilly dies soon silly

maybe she was like open bottle wine,

evaporates with sands of time.

in my life,

she was that beautiful sunset,

which has gone & i am upset!

and she did come

she came to my memory lane,

I was again filled with pain.

I felt her movement in every grid,

talking to me like she always did.

as just it started to bleed.

but like always she paid no heed.

she kept whirling in my mind.

till the time i went all blind.

she said she wants a colorful life.

but with me she cant just thrive.

she wants to be left alone.

I could hear my dreams moan,

she still had that lovely tone!

she is still the same old lass.

but dead tune with no bass.

its a grown cold night,

night that is soon to die,

and before its to fly

i shall say a good bye!

thanks for coming to see

if i am still me.

you never promise to return,

but thats what to learn,

no promises no words.

and yet it you say in codes.

when i see you covering the sky

peace is what it imply

A-Z i learnt from my friends.

A:Anna well i cant disclose what she taught me :P.ankesh is for adjustment.Aseem taught me chicken, exploitation of restaurants and mangers there.arun taught me quants and dedication.

B:bhand gang taught me how to de stress yourself.

C: charu taught me that even you dont like studying you can pretend its important and yah ignorance is bliss..chutiye.something that ITM produces in ample quantities and GOD only know where they drive their chutiya power to deal with!

D:Deepna(lots of D' but she had the biggest impact on my system).she taught me some basic lessons of life caring.small things matter most,making others smile is not difficult,importance of talking on phone and texting and "aint it obvious " is not actually obvious you have to express otherwise you lose your girl :p and yeah dancing :P).Deeksha taught me that life can be as simple as much you make it.hating is just so not possible and yes we live only for one purpose to eat because its not music or poetry but food thats a way to express yourself.Dinesh sir taught me you can be cool even if you are a teacher.

E:has to be esha my engineering would complete only because of her.she taught me that even girls can drink and you can love two enemies with equal intensity.

F:fighting the maximum amount that i fought with was Sourav and it kind of helped me in digesting food :P.sourav taught me simplicity and selflessness as he epitomizes it(though i could never learn these things :P)

G: Gaba taught me how to laugh at yourself and learn from your mistakes and rise no matter even you have a flat fall in life(jumping is not the solution :P) : GG aka gaurav goel taught me passion is driven LITERALLY!!

H: haider my life line without which my survival would have had been impossible.right from chicken pox to welding and everything man everything!he taught me that if you love a person love everything thats bad in him too.yeah haider also taught me gaalis!Hanish taught me smartness has nothing to do with grades.

I:Iodex aka anuj arora always ready with solution to my problems even if they dont work most of the times.he taught me balance!

J: jojo he taught me that even if you are not in the same stream(automobile) you can have your classmates from any stream you want to !

K:kushal taught me that you can sacrifice anything your ego and self respect or any shit that comes between friendship.Karamvir taugt me that you can work infinite numbe of hours if you really want to.Kandy taught me ROCK

L:Lisa taught me that if you are good looking then you can talk about your pet dog on a date and still sound fun :P(reference to manav)

M:Manav the idiot who thinks i am a genius.he taught me how pramath must have felt when i use to idolize me.Megha taught me to kill others with your Pj.

N:Nagpal taught me a spade is a spade even if it comes from your own bitch.

O:ohk i will use it for nitul: he taught me that if your rich learn to be generous also .

P: its not pramath but pranit who taught me that you have to have a big heart a big pocket doesnt matter.

Q:

R:roy my boy!h taught me "DRINK " on any occasion because thats what we are born for.Richa taught me that you dont have to appear serious even if you are serious about something.

S:Sid he taught me that you can control you anger for someone you really care for.siddharth taught me criticism.Sheeny taught me "Fuck " as in how to use this word for expressing every emotion.

T:Toni taught me that you can love any person and hate him at the same time.

U:Umang sharma taught me blogging and to an extent expressing .Urvi taught me to be brave.

V:vasundhra enclave(abul fazal appartments) taught me affection and care which comes without a condition.

W:whatever i have left i man any name i forgot to mention must have taught me something or the other its just that i couldnt articulate.inacse anyone felt left out please drop a comment here and i shall be be obliged.

X:X shall be for people who have one very very prominent factor :divya agg:smile not matter what:ankita singh.:decency

Y:yashbir taught me that you that the biggest thing that you can do to make yourself happy is do hings that can make others happy even if that hurts you.

Z:Zindagi : you all taught me how to live life so thank you very much!i will always remember these lessons and not make the same mistakes ever again.

outrageous

i am tired of hypocritical bullshit.the so called relationships,the bond,strength of threads that we have tied around each other but actually its a cobweb to alternate reality.will this socializing ever stop.I am just exhausted looking at all this.

especially when the college is getting over and everyone wants to just boast around and speak about their acquaintances they had,everyone wants to be more established and less criticized and if fortunate enough even loved more than ever before.

all relationships are improving with an accelerated pace.the enemies neutralized insignificant befriended and friends were no less than beloveds.

but you know what nothing has really changed no matter how hard you try,because your habits may change but your perceptions have gone so deep inside you it can never change,like always it has to get dirty as soon as you try flushing some reality into each others face.and i don't have to go far to look for examples i am a living master to this and even observing many around.

come on man whom are we kidding?

its really funny you pretend to be good to me i pretend to be good to you.and the pathetic part both of us know we are pretending.

like many claim the only solution to this is "just be yourself". how many are we talking about out there fall to this category.

like Amartya sen says...most people are other people their thoughts some one else opinion their lives a quotation.

and you know what i wish for myself ,that please i become that strong that that i go so high that i am inaccessible or i go that low that people find me dirty to access.

but i am no different i am a social entity just like any other man.the only difference is one step of realization that i have taken.have i gone one step ahead or one step behind i cant figure out but yeah its definitely a step different.

i am trying to be back with a stir in my mind a whirl in my heart but i don't know what to write about ...

i would have picked about the general knowledge questions that i had no answers to in my snap exams even after stressing so much on the general awareness booklet that i had tried mugging up last night ..

but then it aint necessary...it aint important..

then i thought of writing ..about sex...aha ...relations uff...girls aha ....juvenile bonds that tried to raise their hands to answer ...

but then whats their in all of this ..

the most important thing is my career orientation..

i am thoroughly confused...people say i am not made for software industry ...but that doesnt give me enough excuses to say that i am an mba kind of guy because the more i tried preparing for mba entrances i have realized that i am not even manager types..

i am more of agriculture based person ...or maybe writing about random shit that is not even noticeable in general awareness...that does not require even managerial skills from mba forget about learning java and .net...

then what am i doing here..in an engineering college .....dragging and pushing myself to career launchers classes every weekend ....

yeah yeah ...i look like a wannabe but then i am not one...

then what is all this leading me to....trying to satisfy my ego ..

so then that approves one point ..i am egocentric self obsessed rascal who just wants to snatch people's dreams like the way infosys was done...but that doesn't make me happy anyways ....what can make me happy?

the answer is simple..

i don't know ...

where do i get the answers then ,....

but this time it is not simple cuz if it was i would have searched for it..

there has been a thousand times when i have googled this question,..but every link just turns into another lecture on happiness ...fuck off

if being happy was that easy beleive me i would have had been an over-achiever...does that word even exist? i doubt so but then even i have learnt 25oo words in my preparation process...

and i have off late realized it hasn't helped me even a bit ...micro molecular spec...!1

but then its a part of it ...how can i deny....

denial is what i need right now ..

good bye..i have got the answer !!

sahib ka salaam!

This college festival i met someone,yes this momentum;she is a girl.but this is not going to be a romantic saga with melodramatic equations and complications.

Its just a relationship nurtured indirectly.

Why indirectly??

Because after momentum i havnt even caught a glimpse of the girl.

we text(modern version of pen pals)and that also when i am awake at odd times and she is half asleep(i could guess that because the frequency of messages sometimes drops down even when she is engrossed in the conversation:i might be sounding chep :P)!!

The one who can think ugly truth can enhance your performance in your test because she loved that movie;likes the pervert scenes purely because of innocence.

But yeah her innocence never barricades her night outs and wild crazy parties.

Even when you are little depressed she suggests "ek aur girl friend bana lo".......not everyday i get such amazing advices!!

She is kind of crazy,always making presentations dunno if its for real or maybe she volunteers for the whole class for making presentations.

Uses the word "lolz" more often than she actually smiles.biggest awaragard in college.

she has generated a thought in me

" life is full of expressions and the biggest achievement is capable of an honest and shameless purgation"

But yes no such beings exists now that can look through your eyes and pick your heart and tell you who you are

A generic tendency that she gets annoyed when people don't respect the silence even when she is mad and yet silent.

And this is for you...

"life is tough........that's bad!!

but that is for everyone...

whats worse...??

when you are tough on yourself......!!

Innocence never fades....

It dies when ...

you stab it with your adulthood!"

you are not an exceptional girl for whom people like me should write but you are not an ordinary one who can be ignored!!

you have put yourself in a cocoon but remember....

cocoons are meant for caterpillars butterflies don't hide themselves in there;

they are meant to fly high and make the world beautiful place....so smile !!