outrageous

i am tired of hypocritical bullshit.the so called relationships,the bond,strength of threads that we have tied around each other but actually its a cobweb to alternate reality.will this socializing ever stop.I am just exhausted looking at all this.

especially when the college is getting over and everyone wants to just boast around and speak about their acquaintances they had,everyone wants to be more established and less criticized and if fortunate enough even loved more than ever before.

all relationships are improving with an accelerated pace.the enemies neutralized insignificant befriended and friends were no less than beloveds.

but you know what nothing has really changed no matter how hard you try,because your habits may change but your perceptions have gone so deep inside you it can never change,like always it has to get dirty as soon as you try flushing some reality into each others face.and i don't have to go far to look for examples i am a living master to this and even observing many around.

come on man whom are we kidding?

its really funny you pretend to be good to me i pretend to be good to you.and the pathetic part both of us know we are pretending.

like many claim the only solution to this is "just be yourself". how many are we talking about out there fall to this category.

like Amartya sen says...most people are other people their thoughts some one else opinion their lives a quotation.

and you know what i wish for myself ,that please i become that strong that that i go so high that i am inaccessible or i go that low that people find me dirty to access.

but i am no different i am a social entity just like any other man.the only difference is one step of realization that i have taken.have i gone one step ahead or one step behind i cant figure out but yeah its definitely a step different.

Three/4 mistakes of my life

I was at my friend's place and fortunately unfortunate enough, or maybe unfortunately fortunate enough, forgot to carry any of my engineering books in order to pretend that after a pathetic performance throughout the semester I am worried about my exams and wont be studying last night this time.

So I had to engage myself in something better than Facebook, buying people or their photographs at the Application OWNED and become a disillusioned millionaire

So then I wikified the wonky shelf of novel corner of my friend's elder sister and found the new release
The three mistakes of my life~Chetan Bhagat!!!!
And then I made my mistakes
My first mistake:: picked the book::
Second mistake:: read it::
Third mistake:: completed it::
Fourth:: i am writing about the book::
No fourth one is actually dicey thing to say as of now because I don't think anybody so pseudo intellectually strong ever bothers to read CHETAN BHAGAT!

The story is basically about a man Govind Patel from Belrampur(Gujarat) who writes a suicide email to Mr Chetan Coelho I mean Chetan Bhagat after popping sleeping pills.
Actually the book should be named as
"Govind decides to die”
or
“Chetan wants to become Paulo Coelho"
And the heights of shamelessness is attained when he directly produces lines from 11 minutes. Seems someone is too ignorant to even give a thought that readers are not as dumb as he is.
Seems Mr Bhagat is quite impressed by hackneyed ideologies of Indian film directors who put item songs for mirchi masala in the movie.

Cricket rules India that is true but what he cant understand is cricket is not what readers prefer reading about all the time and a commentary from you was clearly the lowest thing associated to  history of Indian cricket 

Anyways in between his reminder clock strikes his ninth bell and he decides to put in the ghastly intercourse of five point someone or maybe as a scholar he has dark little fantasy of watching professor indulged in sex together. But then India is ranked second after Pakistan when it comes to watching porn and "Penthouse" has record breaking sales in India. So he doesn’t have to make it cheesy  and cliche. it has already got enough to make it Farah Khan’s next movie even if she decides to ask Nana Patekar to play  Govind.

Trying to portray a typical cynical Mr Narendra Modi's mystical saffron Gujarat what Chetan has forgotten is even though he has shifted to Singapore India is not relying for him for any development. Things have taken giant strides when it comes to change of saffron canvas here. But then our IITian dude is the coolest Dood when it comes to writing about

INDIA HIS : Murderland!

Guajarati’s will never like it because it is even worse than

Madame` Italy Sonia Gandhi unleashed

COMMUNALISM AND COWARDMENT/GOVERNMENT IN GUJARAAATTT!!

why am i abandoned???

exhaling agony!!

I hate myself for all what I did to myself....I punished my soul. I repent for all what I did ...today have nothing to express ......or maybe to many things are swirling in the ocean !!so I am confused where to start from...I am hollow but still i need to write ...i need to get away from all what I am observing and expressing...the biggest problem is i am suffocated but I don't know the reason behind it....these days i get irritated very easily on petty things that I would have had easily forgotten ...and this is becoming lethal to my character......a stranger resides in me these days.....when I introspect I find I have lost the essence of being abhishek sahay...... everything is so very unabhishek about me these days...i keep behaving the way i can annoy people the most ...I want to stay alone ...i want no one to ask me questions,...i want My space...I feel there is a cosmic conspiracy going on to intrude into my hidden soul......a touch to my mind or eyes use to easily touch my soul....but now a days no matter how hard one tries ...(and that includes myself.)....no matter whatever may be the effort i am unable to feel my soul...am i losing myself. i have become so mechanical....every morning i wake up thinking how to solve the mess around.....the harder i try the more entangled it gets.....again in the evening i give up thinking next morning will bring a bit of light and hope.....but alas the day is yet to come.....i am nostalgic these days....i want to go to my place ....away from gurgaon......in the mountains where i can be reborn...i want to wash away the muck in me with the cold water .......very very cold...in fact i tried it thousand times but i guess i am polluted so deeply that every layer of my soul is to be skinned and sliced ..... i miss my parents very much ....i hate myself for staying away from them.....i wish i could be with them... BUT ..i am living with a parent ......the pramath ...a faith that hates to talk to me....he is not bothered to share ….but why will one bother to …who am i…a small peck in front personality so oceanic ........in a nut shell. .it is not his fault ...he never told me that he is going to be an integral my part of my life or he is going to guide me either and thither........i assumed........why??? because i believe he is my idol.....he is the one who is to be mimicked......he is the one who will set all standards and goals for me...every bar i have to break!!but he too is a human and i understand that constraint ....he has his share of duties and responsibilities. When I try to do something with full heart he says I am an idiot and tend to over do things for him……I believe everything I have achieved here is because of him …I know I stand better than many in this college…and all because of one person here…..yeah him..a man who never showed me a path to be followed but always inspired me to make one for myself…. …but he also needs to understand that I am no eklavya…..who can learn things without even listening to a single lecture of his mentor !
I am a small kid standing on the crossroads of life waiting for my mentor to come and let me hold his fingers and follow him!!! AM I EXPECTING TOO MUCH?????

THOUGHT OF THE MIRACLE CHILD : I am trapped in a bubble.The people around me think that my life is vibrant as the bubble appears to be full of colours,but alas from inside it is hollow,filled with nothingness.I am eroding in suffocation and the world is celebrating!!

i saw the lonely sun drowning in the sky! (still from my farmhouse)

THE MIRACLE CHILD !!

There was boy in a very small town with very little facilities. The meekest of all, lean and thin ,ugly and introvert. He had poor friends to live with. He use to be scolded for his handwriting where as his dad had a very good handwriting. He could not study well and so was always hauled over the coals. As time passed his mom and dad realised that he is also shy and is always afraid to face the world. The sole rest to his slaughtered soul was his family. In a very large campus his father owned he use to feed his lunch to stray dogs and puppies. The child believed that a day will come when he will rise beyond all this pain and agony and the world will cherish and talk to him. His humiliated parents will be there to take pride of what their son has achieved. Inspired by a thought so untainted and divine he started with determination.

When he was in tenth standard destiny hit him harder. His father was shot by an assassin. By gods grace he managed to survive but unfortunately engulfed by acute paraplegia and was bed ridden. The person can’t walk or even talk properly and suffers enormous pain in thighs. The sixteen year old kid was shouldered by responsibilities and had to leave school for a year .when other kids use to go to school and listen to teachers, this boy use to sit next to his dad listen to the moans and cries. Others prepared for exams on their study table, this boy use to sit on wooden stool and attend to his father’s ailment and read books.
But the juvenile determination was no longer a sapling, it had routed like a tree। This time the lad aimed high. He dared to dream. The miracle happened and the child got better than those sitting in the study room. The juvenile determination grew with accelerating pace and stood firm. Hard work started to pay and he started to fetch excellent marks। With no guidance from teachers and studying in one of the modest schools he managed a good command over a couple of languages। But his parents were not there to admire him.

Full of enthusiasm the boy filed for the best school of his country. When he cleared all interviews and tests his parents explained the economical crunch and denied. The hopeful child begged for help from his relatives but like always was thrown away.He became a tutor and went to school. The child was a big lad now and his determination was stronger than before. The miracle returned back. This time the boy came up with flying colours and got admission in a decent college. Right from the admission to his survival in the big city he managed on his own. He saw other coming up with their parents to this new world and turned melancholy. He dreamt of his parents standing behind. The determination is still growing with an accelerating pace but a void has been created inside. Right now he has won three consecutive years prizes for best handwriting from Scottish society for calligraphy but his dad still don’t talk to him, the reason is different now, he is ill.
So where should he walk? What is his fault? Why has the destiny bestowed so much of darkness to his adjacent? I sometimes meet this kid. He lives very nearby some where close to my soul and always wants to ask “dad now will you talk to me?” can you answer him?
he is the miracle child!!