was she the beast and the beauty ?

Promises of completing the pathway of life.

He will be the man , she be the wife.

He was a writer and she in Broadway

She said I would never walk away

The lanes were not going to be bright

But I will be your brightest light.

Fate said we were not meant to be together

And he thought they were made forever.

Why it went all-wrong?

Did they not sing the same song?

He went deaf and dumb 

which made her totally numb.

 There was no pulse and the heart didn't beat.

Love in life was a defeat

It always happens in the end,

Life goes wrong at a crucial bend?

Doing the right thing!!

This time when I go from Delhi  I will be gone for good.I have always been loved here like truly belong here but yes i was an outsider, who came here and got a lot of  love from lots of people.They made me important because they thought i am a good person,which was over hyped.
A lot of people made me important in their life and I was overwhelmed.
But that has cost dearly.I have damaged others relations knowingly or unknowingly and intentionally or unintentionally,but yes there has been destruction because of me.
I do agree I have made mistakes and others have made it too!
But the important thing is not who made more and bigger mistakes.The important thing is how to correct it.And now when I realize I want to mend it or hedge the damage I feel the best way is to walk out.Someone should. And it better be me.I should walk away from some lives and from those lives from which i have already gone I should fade away from their memories too.
Some are my friends who would not want this to happen but they should understand that their other  relationship in their life that is much more than our friendship and I am happy to accept that they have set their priorities. 
I know its not easy to do it but who said the right things were easy to do.I can experience it right now that they are definitely the ones that needs the most amount of courage and strength to sacrifice and even if I may sound foolish I would like to believe I am the strongest of the characters of this play.
Well what about me I have never doubted my art of being with myself even when I have people around me.I have learnt that happiness is not just celebration of an achievement sometimes it is also the peace of learning from failure,even if the failure is fatal to you as a person.
I know that there are somethings I am going to lose that I can never hope will return but the thought of doing the right thing will fill the gap.I hope I am doing the right thing.
This post is dedicated to people whom I have hurt  and a declaration and reminder to self about what path should be followed.

I am sand!

I was born in the struggle of two rocks.The hands that crushed me were not so soft.
So i couldn't know how it feels to be soft.
Maybe that is why i am me!

You filled me in your hand & wanted to play with me.I let you play.I loved the soft touch of your hands that smoothed me,gave me shapes and caressed the hopes of life.
Gradually you were so addicted to me you tried to capture me and closed your fist.
I was shocked by your behaviour.Your touch was no more pleasing so I slipped from your fingers.

I was burnt in the sun for such a long time in those deserts that i had no moisture left within.
But you mistook it that I had no emotions.
you thought i never cared but look at the way i transformed into dunes so that I can bring rain in your life. Of course I have failed but I wanted to be the oasis!

You kept me in your little transparent box on the table but I became your sands of  time.I taught you to cry & laugh with the pain,celebrate life and see it even when there was a storm blocking your view.

I came in your eyes not to make you cry.But to see those pearls rise even in deserts,as oceans have them plenty but its rarity is only when you can see it in deserts.

You dropped me and decided to complete the journey with someone else to hold you around,but have you thought i never left you.I am in every every road you have made to your destination as  no roads can be built without sand!

Your dreams has castles but do you know what they are? sand castles.

You made your house and wanted to live in it with someone else but have you thought i am in every brick of the house.

As of no use you cast me away with wind but have you ever thought why the desert still has your fragrance?

You have walked those deserts and no one can see the footprints to where you went .
But i hold them close in my heart. No one sees it but i feel it!
I am still that sand that is tormented in those deserts with no strangers to care about !

Even i was in love with you!!

Isn’t it obvious?

Sometimes it is not!

Expressing becomes more important than loving.That is what happened to them.

Silence suffocated the relationship. It rusted like anything and now it’s all over the boy. Sometimes the rust drops in public and glimpse of wounded soul shows up all red and fresh blood dripping.

She was a magnet and he was a boy with complex soul.

So how did it happen?

Well it was not a perfect love story where everything happened by the cupid struck Adam and Eve. She was already with someone else and the boy was with the match made in heaven.

Though his match had already gone to heaven.

Was her soul waiting for him there? Well this is something even I cant answer. 

But he was no angel to wait to meet her in there. He lived here in this world to live each and every moment. After her death he had gone a little heartless and rude but he wanted to live.

He sketched his life with full perfection. Every year had a plan, every month had an ambition, everyday had an aspiration and every moment had a dream, a dream to make it big.

No matter how black his hands became with the pencil and charcoal that he used to sketch he kept doing it. The mob called him selfish, cunning, fame hungry and everything he possibly could be ranted about as. Because everyone saw the ashes falling down spreading dirt around the canvas but no one knew about the painting.

And one day he decided to have her in his painting of life.

Why?

Not even the boy knew the answer to this.

She was totally different from his painting .She was full of energy,always dancing. Chirping like a child on small things. “Laughing out loud” was an expression made for her. 

She was not the perfect of all yet she was great in her own ways.

She hated color less things; even her pasta had red sauce in it. Life was not a painting for her; it was a dream where you can be happy in spite of all odds. 

Add all the spices in a dish that’s when you learn how can variety taste in life.

Small things made her happy.

Long bridal dresses which she never bought, bunch of red roses that he brought for her, red wine, fine dine, small colorful markets where she could buy cute things which had no use at all, rainbow socks and pink anklets, green odd pullover she use to wear behind which she use to disappear.

Her first love was her year old cousin and her best buddy was an uncle who danced on the stage and made her laugh over life. One girl for whom your balance in the phone was more important than the balance in your bank account.

She taught people to dance and she learnt from within.

Dancing was like a form of celebration in short pulses. If you want to feel something dance it out.

But she taught me more than just dance. She taught him that life is not about being a perfectionist so that everyone loves you its about giving so much that people love you even for your imperfections.

She said that life is not a race where you just have to win its about those pit stops where you have to make sure you hug your loved ones.

And she stopped and filled the painting with beautiful colors, added new shades to them with every turn and corner in life and made it beautiful.

She was like dew that refreshes the life of a leaf and vanishes with the first ray of sun. She also has vanished!

But her memories are like a song to him that he secretly wishes to be played again and again in his mind She is like a beautiful landscape visible out from the window of the moving train and you don’t want to disappear, but it does.

probably thats what the beauty of life is.

He still has that painted canvas but colors are fading away and this post is an attempt to try to relive those moments and hope that someday it will be repainted with the starry glitters again.

hyderabad blues.

Some men are made men,some transform into men,but some never let their boy go from within!

There are hidden layers to them.
He is one such human being that appears like an onion,you peel every layer and it appears totally different from the penultimate one.one layer says he wants to be the guy who studies to make sure his parents expectations are met.The inner one says make the woman your top priority.And the core says he wants peace in life.
And what about the complex layers in between, the layers which have thumb impressions of friends and people you cant even call friends.
some deep impressions!
Well there are some such impressions which makes his soul blue.oceans of thoughts that creates so much turbulence within him that sometimes he thinks he is drowning.
some figs that make the core.some twigs that help him float.
But twigs can help no more as the boy wants to be the man that needs no one to support,
probably because he wants to show that he needs no one to make sure he is alright,
because he is the one who makes things right in every ones life.

why am i blessed.

basic ingrideints of happy life;

• very supporting parents: well mine are too good to be true.they ask me what is to be done in my life
•  very good career: this everyone can have different parameters,sometimes being a peon also makes you happy so by that way i am about to have an MBA degree after an enginnering degre what else do i want.
• good friends: well i have alwyas been confused about them that should i call them friends or my own brothers. because they have behaved the way that sometimes its simply unbelieavble that they are just friends.
• good city too live:well i have Mumbai.
• good finacnial support: thanks to my people i have it.
• good girls around: well i have plenty around 

is there something else we should have ?

there lived a rude boy.

I met this boy at one odd town
if not fair he was brown
he did glitter but was not gold.
always loud but was not bold.
there lived a rude boy.

he came and went
with everyone did time he spent.
they know him no one did swear,
as he was not what he did appear.
there lived a rude boy

his friends said his soul was cold
at least to peers that's what was told.
with emotions no one wanted to share
as they thought he dint care.

there lived a rude boy.
he laughed in groups all the time
devil may care that's what he rhymed
deep down he cared a lot
but he had no emotional spot.
there lived a rude boy.

cities came and cities went
where in journey of life the years he spent.
he ate his food and paid his rent.
but never were his problems lent.
there lived a rude boy.

deep down he was scared of rejection
always projected an image of perfection.
so no one could ever understand
that his dishes were also bland
there lived a rude boy.

in him was white sad pain.
that rushed through his vein
they said his laughter never died
but i did see the laughs lied,
with every breath he cried
there lived a rude boy.

Delhi hai meri jaan!

It has been more than a week in Delhi since i have come here for my holidays. A refreshing break from typical MBA life and it felt awesome.

Four years has flown and i never realized that i am going to cherish these four years my whole life. A time when life was an over extended party,where relaxation and enjoyment was synonymous to breathing,we were careless and enthusiastic and no moment was dull.

I still remember the time when i was fresh in the college.

I was unknown to the city arrived here with some clumsy and hazy dreams that had shaped up long before i knew this college,saying what i want to become.

But what i could never imagine was that  i am going to meet people who will reshape my dreams and after meeting them will make my dreams change their meaning.

Life spin yarns of bonds that connect. It binds souls with a thread so thin that you never feel trapped but slowly the thread together tie us in such strong bonds that it wont break ever. they might not be our blood relatives but they are much more valuable than many.

And i am glad that i have so many threads around that i feel i  have been covered with such a white sheath that i live within a cocoon of warmth and affection.

Life happened to me when i was in this city. 

The small unkempt hostel with blue window panes reminded me of life i had left behind but those windows let me peep into the new world i entered.

It gave me people whom i shared my room,my food,my happiness and my worries and they took some me in them. The me they still have as their memories of a friend who lives nearby,visits occasionally and loves them always.

I still haven't achieved much in life as the boy in me is still alive with the hazy dreams.

But what this city has given me can never be achieved. It has given me people and relationships that i absoultely love and these relationships were for me for the boy I am.

This post is a to thank people who spend time with me,wanted to meet me and had me in their thoughts.

This city is special for me  because it has you in it.

And i appologize to them whom i could not meet. maybe we didnt meet so that i have something to hold on to when i come back.

DAWN

she was bright like sun,

but sun is born to burn.

she was fresh like dew,

but dew lasts moments few

she was pure like river,

but river flows forever.

She was one full moon,

but moon goes down in life's noon

she was bright blossoming lilly

but lilly dies soon silly

maybe she was like open bottle wine,

evaporates with sands of time.

in my life,

she was that beautiful sunset,

which has gone & i am upset!

and she did come

she came to my memory lane,

I was again filled with pain.

I felt her movement in every grid,

talking to me like she always did.

as just it started to bleed.

but like always she paid no heed.

she kept whirling in my mind.

till the time i went all blind.

she said she wants a colorful life.

but with me she cant just thrive.

she wants to be left alone.

I could hear my dreams moan,

she still had that lovely tone!

she is still the same old lass.

but dead tune with no bass.

its a grown cold night,

night that is soon to die,

and before its to fly

i shall say a good bye!

thanks for coming to see

if i am still me.

you never promise to return,

but thats what to learn,

no promises no words.

and yet it you say in codes.

when i see you covering the sky

peace is what it imply

A-Z i learnt from my friends.

A:Anna well i cant disclose what she taught me :P.ankesh is for adjustment.Aseem taught me chicken, exploitation of restaurants and mangers there.arun taught me quants and dedication.

B:bhand gang taught me how to de stress yourself.

C: charu taught me that even you dont like studying you can pretend its important and yah ignorance is bliss..chutiye.something that ITM produces in ample quantities and GOD only know where they drive their chutiya power to deal with!

D:Deepna(lots of D' but she had the biggest impact on my system).she taught me some basic lessons of life caring.small things matter most,making others smile is not difficult,importance of talking on phone and texting and "aint it obvious " is not actually obvious you have to express otherwise you lose your girl :p and yeah dancing :P).Deeksha taught me that life can be as simple as much you make it.hating is just so not possible and yes we live only for one purpose to eat because its not music or poetry but food thats a way to express yourself.Dinesh sir taught me you can be cool even if you are a teacher.

E:has to be esha my engineering would complete only because of her.she taught me that even girls can drink and you can love two enemies with equal intensity.

F:fighting the maximum amount that i fought with was Sourav and it kind of helped me in digesting food :P.sourav taught me simplicity and selflessness as he epitomizes it(though i could never learn these things :P)

G: Gaba taught me how to laugh at yourself and learn from your mistakes and rise no matter even you have a flat fall in life(jumping is not the solution :P) : GG aka gaurav goel taught me passion is driven LITERALLY!!

H: haider my life line without which my survival would have had been impossible.right from chicken pox to welding and everything man everything!he taught me that if you love a person love everything thats bad in him too.yeah haider also taught me gaalis!Hanish taught me smartness has nothing to do with grades.

I:Iodex aka anuj arora always ready with solution to my problems even if they dont work most of the times.he taught me balance!

J: jojo he taught me that even if you are not in the same stream(automobile) you can have your classmates from any stream you want to !

K:kushal taught me that you can sacrifice anything your ego and self respect or any shit that comes between friendship.Karamvir taugt me that you can work infinite numbe of hours if you really want to.Kandy taught me ROCK

L:Lisa taught me that if you are good looking then you can talk about your pet dog on a date and still sound fun :P(reference to manav)

M:Manav the idiot who thinks i am a genius.he taught me how pramath must have felt when i use to idolize me.Megha taught me to kill others with your Pj.

N:Nagpal taught me a spade is a spade even if it comes from your own bitch.

O:ohk i will use it for nitul: he taught me that if your rich learn to be generous also .

P: its not pramath but pranit who taught me that you have to have a big heart a big pocket doesnt matter.

Q:

R:roy my boy!h taught me "DRINK " on any occasion because thats what we are born for.Richa taught me that you dont have to appear serious even if you are serious about something.

S:Sid he taught me that you can control you anger for someone you really care for.siddharth taught me criticism.Sheeny taught me "Fuck " as in how to use this word for expressing every emotion.

T:Toni taught me that you can love any person and hate him at the same time.

U:Umang sharma taught me blogging and to an extent expressing .Urvi taught me to be brave.

V:vasundhra enclave(abul fazal appartments) taught me affection and care which comes without a condition.

W:whatever i have left i man any name i forgot to mention must have taught me something or the other its just that i couldnt articulate.inacse anyone felt left out please drop a comment here and i shall be be obliged.

X:X shall be for people who have one very very prominent factor :divya agg:smile not matter what:ankita singh.:decency

Y:yashbir taught me that you that the biggest thing that you can do to make yourself happy is do hings that can make others happy even if that hurts you.

Z:Zindagi : you all taught me how to live life so thank you very much!i will always remember these lessons and not make the same mistakes ever again.

outrageous

i am tired of hypocritical bullshit.the so called relationships,the bond,strength of threads that we have tied around each other but actually its a cobweb to alternate reality.will this socializing ever stop.I am just exhausted looking at all this.

especially when the college is getting over and everyone wants to just boast around and speak about their acquaintances they had,everyone wants to be more established and less criticized and if fortunate enough even loved more than ever before.

all relationships are improving with an accelerated pace.the enemies neutralized insignificant befriended and friends were no less than beloveds.

but you know what nothing has really changed no matter how hard you try,because your habits may change but your perceptions have gone so deep inside you it can never change,like always it has to get dirty as soon as you try flushing some reality into each others face.and i don't have to go far to look for examples i am a living master to this and even observing many around.

come on man whom are we kidding?

its really funny you pretend to be good to me i pretend to be good to you.and the pathetic part both of us know we are pretending.

like many claim the only solution to this is "just be yourself". how many are we talking about out there fall to this category.

like Amartya sen says...most people are other people their thoughts some one else opinion their lives a quotation.

and you know what i wish for myself ,that please i become that strong that that i go so high that i am inaccessible or i go that low that people find me dirty to access.

but i am no different i am a social entity just like any other man.the only difference is one step of realization that i have taken.have i gone one step ahead or one step behind i cant figure out but yeah its definitely a step different.

i am trying to be back with a stir in my mind a whirl in my heart but i don't know what to write about ...

i would have picked about the general knowledge questions that i had no answers to in my snap exams even after stressing so much on the general awareness booklet that i had tried mugging up last night ..

but then it aint necessary...it aint important..

then i thought of writing ..about sex...aha ...relations uff...girls aha ....juvenile bonds that tried to raise their hands to answer ...

but then whats their in all of this ..

the most important thing is my career orientation..

i am thoroughly confused...people say i am not made for software industry ...but that doesnt give me enough excuses to say that i am an mba kind of guy because the more i tried preparing for mba entrances i have realized that i am not even manager types..

i am more of agriculture based person ...or maybe writing about random shit that is not even noticeable in general awareness...that does not require even managerial skills from mba forget about learning java and .net...

then what am i doing here..in an engineering college .....dragging and pushing myself to career launchers classes every weekend ....

yeah yeah ...i look like a wannabe but then i am not one...

then what is all this leading me to....trying to satisfy my ego ..

so then that approves one point ..i am egocentric self obsessed rascal who just wants to snatch people's dreams like the way infosys was done...but that doesn't make me happy anyways ....what can make me happy?

the answer is simple..

i don't know ...

where do i get the answers then ,....

but this time it is not simple cuz if it was i would have searched for it..

there has been a thousand times when i have googled this question,..but every link just turns into another lecture on happiness ...fuck off

if being happy was that easy beleive me i would have had been an over-achiever...does that word even exist? i doubt so but then even i have learnt 25oo words in my preparation process...

and i have off late realized it hasn't helped me even a bit ...micro molecular spec...!1

but then its a part of it ...how can i deny....

denial is what i need right now ..

good bye..i have got the answer !!

sahib ka salaam!

This college festival i met someone,yes this momentum;she is a girl.but this is not going to be a romantic saga with melodramatic equations and complications.

Its just a relationship nurtured indirectly.

Why indirectly??

Because after momentum i havnt even caught a glimpse of the girl.

we text(modern version of pen pals)and that also when i am awake at odd times and she is half asleep(i could guess that because the frequency of messages sometimes drops down even when she is engrossed in the conversation:i might be sounding chep :P)!!

The one who can think ugly truth can enhance your performance in your test because she loved that movie;likes the pervert scenes purely because of innocence.

But yeah her innocence never barricades her night outs and wild crazy parties.

Even when you are little depressed she suggests "ek aur girl friend bana lo".......not everyday i get such amazing advices!!

She is kind of crazy,always making presentations dunno if its for real or maybe she volunteers for the whole class for making presentations.

Uses the word "lolz" more often than she actually smiles.biggest awaragard in college.

she has generated a thought in me

" life is full of expressions and the biggest achievement is capable of an honest and shameless purgation"

But yes no such beings exists now that can look through your eyes and pick your heart and tell you who you are

A generic tendency that she gets annoyed when people don't respect the silence even when she is mad and yet silent.

And this is for you...

"life is tough........that's bad!!

but that is for everyone...

whats worse...??

when you are tough on yourself......!!

Innocence never fades....

It dies when ...

you stab it with your adulthood!"

you are not an exceptional girl for whom people like me should write but you are not an ordinary one who can be ignored!!

you have put yourself in a cocoon but remember....

cocoons are meant for caterpillars butterflies don't hide themselves in there;

they are meant to fly high and make the world beautiful place....so smile !!

EGO;sea

He cared ,he shared

every duty he faired

I tried,I lied

everything i use to hide.

Sick ,angry he left

call it a public theft.

came a tide of ego big,

swam on a different fig.

Goblets of alcohol i drank

staring at booklets blank.

Ripping every memory apart

What went wrong in the memory cart.

Now water in sea is so less

drowning in it will be a bless.

rising and falling i just feel,

will this cancer just ever heel?

Someday i will return with a plea

to the vast tide in wild sea.

that i will wait at the bank.

just return my friend

or ensure that even i sank.

(poetic license :P:P)

Alternate reality#1

Life is fully of symmetry and man by nature has an affinity towards it.He likes to go by patterns.The your beliefs,principles,and opinions are also a part of it.
But what if you have followed principles the whole life and they were over-ruled by an exception certain accident that changes the direction your life and the reaction is so vehement and vigorous that you just get carried away on this high tide.
Hatred then originates!!
Hate is a baggage too heavy to carry in the small and complicated geometrical circles of life.
It just converts you into something that is not even remotely connected to you.
you start to say that you are just fine and dealing like every second guy taking upon things as they are,but you are so soaked in it that you don't even feel that you are doped with the poison of hate.
Drop the baggage and you feel better
All you need to do is have a little perspective
:)

i dont know what should be the title so i thought better leave it to you sll

There are relationships that you don’t know exists yet they provide you shade in the scorching heat of noon of life. They are not necessarily tagged as a friend, brother, blood relation or any thing for that matter. You have a perception; and that carries the relationship, no matter how many fences you cultivate to keep it in a fixed dimension. It does not know any limits, it just keeps rolling and growing till it is so prominent that you feel a little scared about imagining life without it because you are grown so use to living with it.

 It is just the same feeling when a tree allows a creeper plant to grow near its roots. It grows along with the tree like a true friend sharing the sunshine, the air and water and be there with it in times of joy sorrow and indifference. It makes the tree feel that it is not standing tall alone in the wind. The creeper is always there to protect it and cover it up and so the tree does not feel vulnerable.

 And gradually the tree thinks creeper is creeping and overgrowing it. He doesn’t even get to know that it has become such an integral part of  his life that he would be a lame duck without it.

 And then tree thinks he is suffocated and all his share of sunshine and the nourishment is just absorbed by the creeper. The tree is just so helpless and thinks that he is going to die.

The leaves go pale, the branches are limp and not holding firm. He starts to hate the creeper.

Then tree thinks that the deciding point has come when either he has to just give up and wait for its organs to decay or he can fight. And he fights. forgetting the fact that he is fighting the same soul that he chose as a friend and the one who has done so many things for him.

With time the creeper is gone, it cant live forever.

And then tree covered with the decaying creeper branches realises it. Leaves left soggy and rotten. It reminds the tree of days when they use to be green together. The pink petals of creeper flowers amalgamated with the yellow flowers of tree use to look like a rainbow.

With the heat the creeper dead remains just withers from the bark of the tree just like the skin peeled off from the black cobra's body every season. Then he feels how secluded he is and craves for the time to travel back.

And the tree stands alone with the memories of the creeper fighting the scorching heat. It now regrets the time when he thought the creeper was snatching his share of nourishment. How foolish he was. That was because creeper wanted to cover him so nice and dense that nothing can harm the tree.Why did he argue with the creeper? 

Alas! the creeper is gone and the tree just lost in the guilt.

Waiting for the one chance to say sorry to his creeper friend.

The nice people whom you meet and they really care are those creepers which never let you know that how much they love you that they want you to stay safe and nice at the expense of themselves. And you are just like that selfish tree who later laments that why didn’t he appreciate them in the right moment of time. If you are one amongst them then come join me. Even I am one of those stupid creature who never paid any attention to my creepers 

A reason to all

i am a drunkard,i seem lost.

drunk in the oceans of grief,

lost in organizing dreams.

yet,from dusk to dawn,

i try then yawn!

i am a criminal,i have killed.

crime of hiding the truth,

killed the desires i had.

yet,from dusk to dawn

i try then i yawn.

i am melancholy,i have cried.

melancholy for thins i have lost,

cried for things i want.

yet from dusk to dawn  

i try then i yawn.

i am dark,i am tainted

dark for the positive,

tainted soul is mine.

yet from dusk to dawn 

i try then i yawn.

i am a life,i have lived.

life for a reason,happiness and affection,

lived with reasonless,sadness and rejection.

But from dusk to dawn

i try but cant yawn!!

Too happy to write and too tired to sleep 

lies

worth for

lies for living

lies for killing

truth.

glossless and timid

lies

flawless and vivid

passing time..

no to wonder but to ponder..

captured in shots...

with numerous erratic blots..

my shirt.

dirty smelly and sweaty..

winters

dry lonely and difficult..

money ..

loss!lost!wasted!

breeze..

chilly and sadistic..

faces..

blank pale and strecthed..

clothes ..

damp and cold..

room

sleepy and dark..

thoughts
rotten and timid..

shoes

suffocating the travel.

birds..

abandoned

friends..

CURFEWED NIGHT

The stories in Kashmir are never good either they are ambiguous,disdain or very sad.

Bashrat peer lines are very simple yet true to an extent of brutality.

I recently picked up a book from new friends colony,adjacent to the famous AL-bake with a sole motive of time pass but turned out to be a mind psychedelic revelation.

The book is lavishly unencumbered by jargon.Though the author being a journalist lacks the spice of entertainment. 

In fact at times the book seems to be crammed with facts that it is on the brink of swallowing your patience as a reader and you say 

"easy boy easy". 

But within a split of second you realise that its not the boy's fault. He has seen so much happen in his childhood and his heart is eager to eject every ounce of pus that has been formed over years in the wounds for a reason that shouts you are a Kashmiri Muslim.

There are references that might leave you in tears.

A small incident where a daughter drops her pajama when her father in law asks her to open the window saying "KHOL DO" due to fear of being raped.

There are methods used by Indian army where they rape,kill,slaughter,kidnap and push children with landmine in their hand to jihadi bunkers.

Such is the explanations that it sometimes overshadow the popular and cherished claim of democracy and secularism.

Its beautifully hurtful.The voice of Kashmir seem so powerful that it almost dethrones every voice in you as an Indian and just a misty sense of self consciences is trying to breathe its final moments of

 "PROUD TO BE AN INDIAN".

Truly amazing,sarcastically poetic and very engrossing.

A must read for every humanitarian soul alive in this country that has a state bought for seventy five lakhs called 

KASHMIR 

Dance of life

The sand blew and the clouds grew.

Was it raining or the sky was mourning.

His dad threw him out,

Lost and lonely he walked the silent path,

Silent yet melancholy, melancholy yet not pitiable. 

Lad was sobbing, sobbing made him shudder.

The shuddering was the dance of life......

 

Known to the known, yet very unknown 

Reached the marsh, marsh was  dry.

Tears streamed down the eyes.

Dryness soaked in his tears.....

Marsh was again alive

Tears that were for dad, dad suffocated his childhood.

Darker than darkest, he saw faces.

Faces that were painted, painted in black, grey and blue

But white faces were very few.

People rushed with cold vibes in zigzag.

Avoiding a collision with him.

The pattern of avoidance was dance of life.....

 

 

Wolves howling, caricatures climbing,

The artist in boy learnt to make faces.

Faces black, grey and blue.

Those asking for white were very few....

Winter came early in life, life brought calm.

Calmness spread its sheet in the life.

Boy smoked, drank and was making merry...

But he craved for faces; faces not grey black and blue...

But for white those only were very few.

The desires and dreams still existed in dreams.

Huh.....The dance of life.

 

Always painting in his cottage, cottage locked.

Lock tight, keys thrown in the river,

Some river cried...streams of white water rushed downstream.

There were knocks, knocks to be avoided.

Some called for him, others respected his seclusion,

Others were furious and abused...

But what for the knocking was the dance of life??

 

Knock knock..

One was the coldest knock ever,

The artist raised his eyes,

He knew death had come, to ease him.

To release him.

Take him to where he truly belong...

He threw all his painted faces...

Water from the river spilled all over.

It was horrible....

The death clasped him....

This was the dance of life....

 

People still come to make faces...

Faces black grey and blue...

But the one with white are few.....

 

IF I ....talk to my heart

If i were in love i would have had said .....
What I do and what I dream includes the one i love as the wine must taste of its own grapes.


If i would have had thought of makin the relationship work i would have had said.....
Love is a short sighted lava, erupts and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots are so strongly entangled together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident.
It's so easy, To think about Love, To Talk about Love, To wish for Love, But it's not always easy, To recognize Love, Even when we hold it.... In our hands.

If i had to wait for her i would have had said .....
The things that you really want,you may not get that,because sometimes you don't make an effort up to mark and sometimes they are not destined to be.
Unfortunately i fall to the first category and i like to keep trying till the time my dream mirror is do not break ,and then re broken, till the time the mirror pieces turn into churns and dust of silver that glows and glitters which make you bleed when you touch them.
Maybe i am waiting for the time to be sure these dunes of glassy sand will make my castle.but since when did sand started to create castles.whom am i fooling.an apparent endeavour to let know and let be .
things might fall of track ..
I wish i could kiss you because a kiss is a lovely weapon, created by nature, to stop words when speech is incapable of expression.

If i would have had been waiting to see her walk away i would have had said.....
I tried to make wine but the aerobic respiration is making it poisoness gradually.
I finally can see things fading away,my chances growing feeble,the pulse about to stop yet i don't wish to stop and i am ready to drink the goblet of poison which i am tendering and attending to.

If i would have had loved you i would have had said .....
I miss you even more than I could have believed and I swear i was prepared to miss you a good deal.

FRIENDS::are we close or we are closed

finally i am drawn back after long long time.
every time i try to reach this place back i get lost because this is just as "the room of requirement " of the harry potter.you can not forcefully reach here ..its only when you are spontaneous and words are strongly felt you pick this blog space.
My path to it was guided by a strange feeling tonight aroused by personal demeanor to the linked listing of testimonial reading on the popular social networking site orkut.
I started to wonder what has happened to the term :friendship.
when the college started we joined hands to walk straight towards our common goal with fresh promises of being best buddies and closest pals.we gave short and sweet names to each other,worked diligently to make each other happy with tiffins and ice creams,small meets outside college that bashed about ridiculous Hindi movies,good Hollywood flicks in few joints of pizza hut,food court and baskin robins.
Gradually they grew up to birthday treats as well where people discussed about ridiculous college,absurd timings,opposite sex and hangovers .
The extended hands were together when few chose to make 'someone special' from the communion itself where "joining hands" turned to "holding hands" and tender caress.
what we materialised as Da kewl gang turned into a stabilised and well fomented icon of friendship
the cellphone cameras and 'pics/snaps' folder on laptops were flooded with pictures that could make celestial promises of staying together forever forever.....forever.
But what happens next.. does life takes a toll?did the boat in which all of us were sailing towards the common goal toppled?were we lost during the earthquake? or was it a tornado that swept us all and carried us in its wings to different direction so that we can never be together again?
NO nothing of that sorts ever happened, yet very tactfully and skillfully very similar to the way the Pangea became the continents we drifted miles and miles away from each other .............................
The gathering that were there, turned into a ritual to be performed just in order to pretend that we are still close.The discussions became endless and pauses turned into 'hey wazzup'.why these Communions don't seduce my spirits and has remained the way of pleasure retention for my soul like they were before.why has the same people not remained with us?
And today the miracle child asks me why did this happen?was it deliberate?was it holding all grey and ulterior motives?
Are we still close or we have closed and done with all this ?
My answer is though far fetched because even i have failed to understand that when we became friends we had things in common,now we turned out to be absolute strangers in terms of traits and behaviour.Friendship was not a forced hackneyed idea for us.It was a contemporary concept where we picked them unlike our ancestral bhajans and keertans yet we have failed to perform the friendship ritual faithfully as well......
Do i need to say we are absolutely confused genes which lacks the trend of introspection .
NO i am not done ..i wish to express more but then i cant bear it along because i am also one of the culprits !!

INDIAN AND AAMIR

The existence of Muslims in our country has never been a question of discussion but their behavioral characteristic has always plunged the modern Jinnah and Nehru into the deepest and rigorous debates.
The country widely pronounces its tolerance for cultural equinox as well as claims to have room for diversity. It is said that India supports more Muslims than even nations with cultural abyss, say Pakistan.
But like always promises widely differs from what is crawling on the pragmatic grounds. Its not only about giving space and food to eat.
The snails have long eaten the roots of brand equity called Hindu Muslim unity and the damage is irreparable to an extent that even the fine spring of cosmopolitan tradition haven’t healed much of the wounds created by the havoc.
And the ignorance not only comes from the illiterate rural areas subdued in the large cultural difference but also from the educated congregations.
Recently I saw a movie called AAMIR where the protagonist a highly educated classified doctor is forced through communion of tremors and accidents and physiologically knelt to surrender to the agents of misanthropy and iconoclasm.
He struggles till the end and that is where it becomes so very evident that how vulnerable he is and in a situation like him only few can survive the blow. The protagonist does so though, but what need to be understood is that everyone is not AAMIR.
We cannot just behave like one meek Gandhi’s monkey shutting the eyes and doubling the cover by putting hands on the eyes. What we really need to do is not an obsolete but an absolute cultural acceptance, which evolves from true philanthropist existence, when people see their countrymen dieing in the battles and terrorist tussles their tolerance towards each other vanishes resulting to a division of a mighty gushing stream of Indians into smaller distributaries called Hindus and Muslims.
This should be the antonym of the classical idea of what we call modern society.

Three/4 mistakes of my life

I was at my friend's place and fortunately unfortunate enough, or maybe unfortunately fortunate enough, forgot to carry any of my engineering books in order to pretend that after a pathetic performance throughout the semester I am worried about my exams and wont be studying last night this time.

So I had to engage myself in something better than Facebook, buying people or their photographs at the Application OWNED and become a disillusioned millionaire

So then I wikified the wonky shelf of novel corner of my friend's elder sister and found the new release
The three mistakes of my life~Chetan Bhagat!!!!
And then I made my mistakes
My first mistake:: picked the book::
Second mistake:: read it::
Third mistake:: completed it::
Fourth:: i am writing about the book::
No fourth one is actually dicey thing to say as of now because I don't think anybody so pseudo intellectually strong ever bothers to read CHETAN BHAGAT!

The story is basically about a man Govind Patel from Belrampur(Gujarat) who writes a suicide email to Mr Chetan Coelho I mean Chetan Bhagat after popping sleeping pills.
Actually the book should be named as
"Govind decides to die”
or
“Chetan wants to become Paulo Coelho"
And the heights of shamelessness is attained when he directly produces lines from 11 minutes. Seems someone is too ignorant to even give a thought that readers are not as dumb as he is.
Seems Mr Bhagat is quite impressed by hackneyed ideologies of Indian film directors who put item songs for mirchi masala in the movie.

Cricket rules India that is true but what he cant understand is cricket is not what readers prefer reading about all the time and a commentary from you was clearly the lowest thing associated to  history of Indian cricket 

Anyways in between his reminder clock strikes his ninth bell and he decides to put in the ghastly intercourse of five point someone or maybe as a scholar he has dark little fantasy of watching professor indulged in sex together. But then India is ranked second after Pakistan when it comes to watching porn and "Penthouse" has record breaking sales in India. So he doesn’t have to make it cheesy  and cliche. it has already got enough to make it Farah Khan’s next movie even if she decides to ask Nana Patekar to play  Govind.

Trying to portray a typical cynical Mr Narendra Modi's mystical saffron Gujarat what Chetan has forgotten is even though he has shifted to Singapore India is not relying for him for any development. Things have taken giant strides when it comes to change of saffron canvas here. But then our IITian dude is the coolest Dood when it comes to writing about

INDIA HIS : Murderland!

Guajarati’s will never like it because it is even worse than

Madame` Italy Sonia Gandhi unleashed

COMMUNALISM AND COWARDMENT/GOVERNMENT IN GUJARAAATTT!!

pondered thought!

Something you always try to find and something you are not aware of but as a social entity your primary attribute is the trait of searching for your replica, whenever you meet individuals here and there. And your friends are here because they are the least intolerable of all the people you meet .

mango-shake::cold-coffee`no electricity`

As a boy I am very perplexed. When it comes to handling my personal sightings. I am like any other normal college going student with an amalgamation of colour be it grey blue or even black. But then I am also a human being how can I have only lighter shades I need to carry my doom along.
When I try to be alone and don’t share my set of problems with anyone my friends say I am so mechanical and suffer from personal obsession and superiority complex that I am more mature than others. But the reality is am scared people might make fun of my ailment so I don’t like talking about it.
And this probably is not my problem.
Have you ever thought how many times you have ever bothered to listen to the reply from the person whom you asked a moment ago how are you.
do it not because you have to do it but becasue you like to do it!!

Lion king
::do not be upset if bloggers community gives a life time banishment

Yeah this Monday evening when I came back home there was no electricity and in the pitch of darkness a pack of hounds (swarm of my hit spray friendly mosquito friends) greeted me. They are like the gushing wind (as the shadows) because you can feel them (in fact the pain inflicted is quite memorable one) but cannot see them and if lucky get to touch few bastards that are too fat to fly after feasting on my sweet blood (my girlfriend says I taste bitter though:: of course I do not believe her because she keeps biting me every now and then).
Anyways I was not going to discuss these ridiculed creature or here to describe that my girlfriends taste buds has gone wild and she should consult a doctor, because before going to the doctor she should go to the mental hospital for the fact that she can bear me as her boy friend.
And If she is not visiting the mental hospital then I should probably get admitted to asylum for three reasons:
· First if she is not visiting the mental hospital because she is not mad till time then probably the most rational reasoning is she is crankier than me and then the responsibility falls to me that I will go crazy if I be with her so I should go to asylum.
· Secondly there is no better idea to dump your girlfriend than this because you don’t have to break a heart because you have already broken the ****.
· And thirdly the shit pots at asylum are really cool and you never get constipated. Constipation is a really bad problem here in Gurgaon you have to keep farting here and there, and keep polluting the environment ( you wont believe I just farted) and the most terrible thing is that fart word reminds me of my Sanskrit teacher now just don’t be ridiculous to ask me why I think that way, because I respect such creatures called teachers. No you can ask every teacher who teaches me specially saDNN no don’t worry I don’t fart when they make me stand.
Anyways what was I talking about I just got carried away and don’t think it was because of me it was a hideous attempt to get rid of my girlfriend I mean get rid of the mosquitoes.
This is a result of Robert’s food ,Haider’s company, siddhart’s jokes and these moder fucker mosquitoes biting me at three this morning.
Hey please note that I don’t have a girlfriend I just wanted to check out that am I that horrible that I can degrade myself to this extent to just prove that girls are insane.
I just wanted be my self for once as I am a manipulative jerk (refer to initial post for further details)
My god you are still reading just check the nearby asylum its really cool.

Sudds of ITM::first member!!

These are few amazing questions by Ms Deepna Verma a very promising member of the supandi club.
what do you call the knee of a bee??
BI-KI-NI!!!!
What do you call a soldiers wife climbing stairs??
CHADHTI JAWANI !!

a tribute to study of relationships

Recently watching a song called salaame (nayee raat hogee …something like that) from movie DHOOM I was keenly observing junior Bachchan and Uday Chopra and their facial turbulence that was evident on the camera. How they were reacting to, thwarted themselves.
I was just thinking that ten years down the line they will be so differently accustomed to films.
One is the famous producer’s kiddo who wants to act, ignorant to the fact that his expressions are topped with oodles of overacting and dollops of annoyance. The father is trying hard to get is son achieve his dreams but alas!!
On the other side is Abhishek. Well I won’t like to comment as the name is sufficient to let things go, the aura pulsates the atmosphere.
So then what happens within a decade …..
Abhishek becomes the most established actor of the Hindi film industry and Uday Chopra becomes one of the tycoon ,throwing and spilling money, producing ventures mostly with Abhishek of course.
So what I see is how things can take off too. Though if they can introspect and think about their future these stars can obviously come to their correct linage of future but these people lack and hoi polloi (including me) have in plenty and that’s hunger for thoughts.

Sudds of ITM::rotten jokes!

...a bunch of cranky people who are definitely humans by origin but just after their premature mental birth they were transported to some lalaland called "tumbaktu". And since then they have not agreed to be back to the normal world of humans.But then they are better than us in the sense that they have proved that world is all about reasoning in a highly distinguished way.


The speciality of this bunch is there particular style of pj recitation the blends so well with their superb personality...


The club comprises of members basically from computer science and IT branch...maybe the adverse effect of technology was never so pronounced in my world... few big titans like Megha Wadhwa ,Ankna Kukreja,Siddharth Singh,Karmveer Bindra,Deepna Verma,Priyanka Kapoor and Anousha Venkat.


People who come online in the evening to recite their rotten and hideous Pjs and believe me they are not Pjs but questions with ultra-abso-fuckingly deadly answers which can just make you sick.!


But then they are great people around who can change your world and your level of thinking....in fact these creatures have influenced my notorious "profound thinking" trait and it has just vanished!!**Life is much more better now**


So i want to dedicate my blog to such a throng ..the ignited minds of the college.So i have decided i will be posting each and every joke-cum-question they are going to ask me.....


please bear along as you can check out some inspiring stuff here [:p]

avowal....can this make someone happy???

wake up ...as i am back....make fun of me ..... for i am back...criticise me ... yeah i am back .....but read me .....as i have plenty to vomit....i am back because off late i have realised that my albatross is not gone....probably it never can.....yeah i am a bin for him...but then i am not left....he hates me .....sick of me....but then i succeeded....he is not indifferent towards me...yeah he is leaving....and he doesn't want to be associated to some manipulative jerk!!
And what makes me a jerk....
I always dreamt of the wild black mustang. The royal shine that it possesses, the black that glitters like pearl to show how magnanimous it can be for the rider. People said wild mustangs are not to be tamed, they are not faithful. Riding them is really dangerous because one moment the rider is filled with pride galloping in the grasslands and the other moment (before lightning strikes and then thunders) the rider can fall off. The pride just vanishes dumping you in the mud of humiliation.
But then that’s the fun.
I always use to crave for a mustang though I had a akhal teke.
I always use to wonder where to find this mound of fame . Wandering on unknown ventures till one day my mind spotted it. The gold black mustang. I could easily recognise my share of fame. And then …..Began the chase!! .
I had some dreams and I chased them with all my strength .I was on my horse, wild and mighty. I applied all the mental and physical tricks I could apply and that came to my mind in order to chase the wild black mustang. And I was not wrong.
And when the ninth moon rose this month I felt as If I have risen from a deep sleep. A sleep that changed me and my thoughts. Because when I have achieved it I realise that I have lost something else that cant be back, something that I shouldn't have had bet. My horse!! I have hurt my horse and every time I look at it I realise that how tainted I have become …..this was not me…..indifferent and stoic towards my horse, my people, my principles and my true self!!
..........................................................
those who couldn't understand let me state some facts ...!!but come to me because i am no less than "wannabe" ......

This is my last blogpost......as my albatross is going to take off!

DESTINY IS A POWERFUL WORD. You can discard it with the hefty and obscure interlocution of faith and confidence and you claim that you are swimming in the river of life in the direction you want to. But to be very honest you realise that you are not swimming, instead you are flowing. It is not your will that is deciding for you but the current of the river does it. And since you are comfortably numb you don’t realise that your definition of freedom has been gradually altered.
Even I was one amongst the swathe but as I say destiny is a very powerful word it cooed to me in my ears “stop being comfortably numb welcome to existence!”
The life began with a splendid show as I started as one happy and enthusiastic sailor who wasn’t aware of the enriched and vibrant life of the sea. Life was bright, sunny, cloudless and gentle wind blew. I had plenty to prove and plenty to learn. But before I could grow into an experienced sailor with a throttle of confidence I experienced the prowess of destiny. Destiny is a powerful word I believe.
Suddenly cold wind started to blow and it grew dark. I looked at the growling and roaring sea and prayed to calm down. But alas a strong tyrannous and ghastly storm took me on its strong wings of wind and dumped me to some unknown land.
The sea that I had as the family refused to take me back into it. I felt awful. I wanted to prove that I am his own. I slashed my wrist and down came the stream of blood that dropped to the sea. But I was flabbergasted when the blood refused to mix with the salty sea water. Then the sea roared at his top of the voice that the blood I always believed was flowing in my veins had come from the salty sea water, is not actually its. Because the blood is not capable to show its royalty. I a failed sailor can’t be mighty sea’s son. The sea humiliated me saying I belong to some rotten marsh that has ceased to exist. I was ripped into pieces, my soul howled in pain but I tried my best to hide my anger and agony. Every night I promised myself I won’t cry till next night. And no one will get to know about my torment and anguish. But destiny is a powerful word….
I said nothing but my slashed wrist screamed a lot. I was back sailing in the sea.
The sea got harsh than before, it was hot and cruel .Water was every where but all salty, it reminded me of the blood I never belonged to and so I decided I will never drink and I drank my own blood when I was thirsty. I was left in seclusion.
Then came a day when a very strong and beautiful albatross came to my withered boat and sat. It said nothing but I felt it was here to be for me. Here to take me away from this cruel sea. and I started dreaming of living with him under his wings.
It touched my wound and miffed. And it gradually started to heal. He allowed me to sleep under the soft canopy of wings. All the suffering was gone(ALL!!)
My faith grew stronger day by day that this truly belongs to me and the albatross stayed. He said nothing but his silence let my hope grow. I thought maybe I should learn to listen to the silence and I tried my best.
And one day the albatross said he is not going to stay here forever and started to spread its wings to take the flight. He said he has too many things to do and he can’t concentrate on me right now. He said he has a future to look forward to. And I couldn’t say anything because he was correct. I was one abandoned kid who belongs to no one. And it is not the albatross that destiny had sent for me. It wasn’t his fault but where was I wrong?
Probably no one has the answer too. Because as I said DESTINY IS A POWERFUL WORD!! I wish I could prove my saying wrong but I have no albatross by my side to do that!
So here existed the blog for the albatross who made me a different person altogether. And now when he is about to fly I am not strong enough to keep visiting the corner where my albatross sat, so I am shutting this corner forever. I am not going to write, something I use to love the most. This is the punishment I deserve for myself.