avowal....can this make someone happy???

wake up ...as i am back....make fun of me ..... for i am back...criticise me ... yeah i am back .....but read me .....as i have plenty to vomit....i am back because off late i have realised that my albatross is not gone....probably it never can.....yeah i am a bin for him...but then i am not left....he hates me .....sick of me....but then i succeeded....he is not indifferent towards me...yeah he is leaving....and he doesn't want to be associated to some manipulative jerk!!
And what makes me a jerk....
I always dreamt of the wild black mustang. The royal shine that it possesses, the black that glitters like pearl to show how magnanimous it can be for the rider. People said wild mustangs are not to be tamed, they are not faithful. Riding them is really dangerous because one moment the rider is filled with pride galloping in the grasslands and the other moment (before lightning strikes and then thunders) the rider can fall off. The pride just vanishes dumping you in the mud of humiliation.
But then that’s the fun.
I always use to crave for a mustang though I had a akhal teke.
I always use to wonder where to find this mound of fame . Wandering on unknown ventures till one day my mind spotted it. The gold black mustang. I could easily recognise my share of fame. And then …..Began the chase!! .
I had some dreams and I chased them with all my strength .I was on my horse, wild and mighty. I applied all the mental and physical tricks I could apply and that came to my mind in order to chase the wild black mustang. And I was not wrong.
And when the ninth moon rose this month I felt as If I have risen from a deep sleep. A sleep that changed me and my thoughts. Because when I have achieved it I realise that I have lost something else that cant be back, something that I shouldn't have had bet. My horse!! I have hurt my horse and every time I look at it I realise that how tainted I have become …..this was not me…..indifferent and stoic towards my horse, my people, my principles and my true self!!
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those who couldn't understand let me state some facts ...!!but come to me because i am no less than "wannabe" ......