profound desire

"I want to be the change i want from the society"

pondered paradox:

"our culture is glorified by non-violence but our freedom was born in blood and our independence is soaked in it!!"

My FMORT

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i am tagged by http://umangexuberance.blogspot.com/

Everything tells me that i am about to make a wrong decision,but making mistakes is just part of life.What does the world want of me??does it wants me to take no risks,go back to where i came from so that i can repent that i never had the courage to say yes to life.life brings realisation,realisation that opportunity only knocks once...and so i should grab whatever it has to offer!Everything here is an illusion and this applies to materialistic as well as non-materialistic things as well.Anything i thought was mine forever was lost and finally i have realised that nothing really belonged to me.And if there is nothing i can tag as mine then what is the point wasting time looking after them....so i want to live beacuse i am not going to live long!

AXIOM::A cup of tea!

i make very nice tea but i never use to make one good cup of tea ,for a nice tea it had to be more than one cup .No matter how hard i tried one cup tea always use to turn up into some tasteless liquid.And so i always use to ask myself why does this happen.today i found the answer ...it is because i think tea is all about being gregarious.It is a way to socialise and spend time with your kith and kins!You like tea not because of its taste but because of the quality time that you spend.and the faith you have is always reflected in your actions that's why i said i believe

But i make very good "a mug of coffee " sip and introspect ALONE!! :)

JAIPUR FOR ME!!

I was recentl in jaipur and few things touched me so very much that i decided to put them up here!!
http://picasaweb.google.com/abhsahay/JaipurForMe

DEDICATED TO MY IDOL :PRAMATH MALIK

"त्वमेव माता च पिता त्वमेव ,
त्वमेव बंधू च सखा त्वमेव,
त्वमेव विद्या च द्रविणं त्वमेव
त्वमेव सर्वं च मम देवो देव।"

For me you are the mother and the father,you are the friend and the relative,you are the wisdom and the courage,the endurance and the strength,the stability and the equilibrium.
you are everything that i wish you to be .....truly human enriched and bestowed with every earthy element,love, care, anger, desperation,ANNOYANCE and still so focused....i believe you are the "via media" for my god when he wants convey something or preach something.....whatever he has decided for me is so very evident from your words so please don't stop speaking to me!!

miracle child rises again!!

The miracle child has started to feel that love is not something one can boast but at the same time there is nothing to conceal.
And thus finally the miracle child is ready to express what he feels about love ... for a while we swap souls so that he can pen down his thoughts......
My aim to understand love......i know how alive i felt when i was in love and now i know everything howsoever interesting it may appear doesn't excite me.
All the relations are fading or maybe transforming into suffocating chains.I am not saying that i am not in love with her anymore but living is difficult these days
i have no one to share with and the one whom i want to is not available due to his share of responsibilities and duties.anyways...
her presence can be felt but not solidified.She is like a gush of stream that i want to gallop in one go,it rushes around me .....but never touches me!I believe she can see me,but if she can see me then why does she wants to make me feel miserable?Is she not aware of the ailment i am suffering from?Is she happy to see me crying?
All my going around days i use to think about love as some kind of voluntary enslavement,but now i have realised that freedom is only present where love exists.The person who gives himself wholly feels freest.
True experience of freedom is having the most important thing in the world without touching possessing or owing her....i say this maybe because she is away from this world...but i am not Landon carter with a "a walk to remember"....i am a normal human being trying to live when everything is on the brink of getting drowned!
If i want to be faithful to someone then first i need to be faithful to myself.If i wish to preserve my true love then first i should get the mediocre love out of my system.
Because love is not eager it is always patient and kind,it is never jealous selfish or revengeful.It is always ready to excuse and let you fly...and is love is HOPE!!

In last three months experience i learnt a new language...the language very well known to the world but spoken very less....SILENCE!!

passing thought:

All religion are in essence
the same:they preach the fatherhood of God and brotherhood of man !!

##brio-doctrine ##

"Those who want to live, let them fight, and those who do not want to fight in this world of eternal struggle do not deserve to live."

why am i abandoned???

exhaling agony!!

I hate myself for all what I did to myself....I punished my soul. I repent for all what I did ...today have nothing to express ......or maybe to many things are swirling in the ocean !!so I am confused where to start from...I am hollow but still i need to write ...i need to get away from all what I am observing and expressing...the biggest problem is i am suffocated but I don't know the reason behind it....these days i get irritated very easily on petty things that I would have had easily forgotten ...and this is becoming lethal to my character......a stranger resides in me these days.....when I introspect I find I have lost the essence of being abhishek sahay...... everything is so very unabhishek about me these days...i keep behaving the way i can annoy people the most ...I want to stay alone ...i want no one to ask me questions,...i want My space...I feel there is a cosmic conspiracy going on to intrude into my hidden soul......a touch to my mind or eyes use to easily touch my soul....but now a days no matter how hard one tries ...(and that includes myself.)....no matter whatever may be the effort i am unable to feel my soul...am i losing myself. i have become so mechanical....every morning i wake up thinking how to solve the mess around.....the harder i try the more entangled it gets.....again in the evening i give up thinking next morning will bring a bit of light and hope.....but alas the day is yet to come.....i am nostalgic these days....i want to go to my place ....away from gurgaon......in the mountains where i can be reborn...i want to wash away the muck in me with the cold water .......very very cold...in fact i tried it thousand times but i guess i am polluted so deeply that every layer of my soul is to be skinned and sliced ..... i miss my parents very much ....i hate myself for staying away from them.....i wish i could be with them... BUT ..i am living with a parent ......the pramath ...a faith that hates to talk to me....he is not bothered to share ….but why will one bother to …who am i…a small peck in front personality so oceanic ........in a nut shell. .it is not his fault ...he never told me that he is going to be an integral my part of my life or he is going to guide me either and thither........i assumed........why??? because i believe he is my idol.....he is the one who is to be mimicked......he is the one who will set all standards and goals for me...every bar i have to break!!but he too is a human and i understand that constraint ....he has his share of duties and responsibilities. When I try to do something with full heart he says I am an idiot and tend to over do things for him……I believe everything I have achieved here is because of him …I know I stand better than many in this college…and all because of one person here…..yeah him..a man who never showed me a path to be followed but always inspired me to make one for myself…. …but he also needs to understand that I am no eklavya…..who can learn things without even listening to a single lecture of his mentor !
I am a small kid standing on the crossroads of life waiting for my mentor to come and let me hold his fingers and follow him!!! AM I EXPECTING TOO MUCH?????

passing thought : organised people are too lazy to look for things.....!!